“Everything has it’s beauty, but not everyone sees it.”
-Confucius
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Oh how I love the secret whispers of spring. Yesterday I saw buds on my apple trees and my heart did a flip. Something about the beauty of buds, the small twitches of new life, just speaks to me. I could spend hours combing the hillsides, peering into the grass looking for new little sprouts, tiny blossoms, and all the newness that spring brings.
Go out and enjoy this beautiful day.
I dare you.
:)
–r
Posted in Musings, newborns, children, families, personal, photographers, four quarters equal one whole, sneak peekPersonal, newborns, children, families, personal, photographers, four quarters equal one whole, sneak peekUncategorized
December
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if
you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
–Marilyn Monroe
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I’ve had this picture for so long, and just couldn’t find the words to go with it (thanks Dad, for another great picture!).
Here goes:
I love the magical feeling of Christmastime. I love the excitement in the air. And I love the moment it gives us to reflect on Christ’s birth.
Interestingly enough, this year did not feel like Christmas at all. We did all of the Christmasy things – the parties and the gifts and the natvities. We gave gifts to neighbors and we sang carols at church. We read the Christmas story in the scriptures. We even had a little visit from Milton. And Christmas came and went, and we put the tree up and we took it down. And still, it didn’t feel like Christmas. The only explanation we can come up with is, that last year was such an “un”year, with it’s “un”vacations and “un”summer, maybe it seeped into an “un”Christmas too. Not to say that we had a terrible December, no we enjoyed our time, but it just didn’t feeeeeeeel like Christmas.
The big event (besides Christmas, of course!) was Jordan’s play. OH how she loved the play! And she dressed in her skunk costume with her little black nose. And that first night she said her part in such a very small voice that I’m sure no one heard her, but me. (if you missed the story of her being cast as the skunk, read here) And Miss Skye talked with her, and I talked with her – and encouraged her to make people laugh with her line! And so the next night, she said it a little bit louder and with a little more courage, and she got some laughs! And she also got a little smile on that cute little face of hers. And for all of the rest of the performances she said her line without being ashamed of it. And for that, I was so proud of her. She came so far from that day of tears, when she was cast as a skunk. Thank you Miss Skye, for teaching my little girl to be confident and courageous.
The the thing that made me laugh the hardest this December, happened so unexpectedly. The day after Christmas, we took a short trip down to Universal Studios. We had fun riding the rides and seeing how some of the special effects in movies are made (I love the reality check that happens at a place like Universal). But the funniest thing happened one night at dinner – I chose the restaurant – a Brazilian Steak House. I love a good steak, so it was a no brainer – take me to the place that has STEAK in the name. Yum. And as we were enjoying our dinner, the music gets really loud and the “entertainment” comes out, scantily clad in thongs and a little more than pasties on top. And then they started shaking and grinding and my two little kids, with their wide eyes, had front row seats. My eyes darted around – checking the door to see if there is some sort of XX next to the signage – but no – no warning that scantily clad women would be coming out and shaking everything in front of our kids! So what to do??? We just laughed really hard – because really? I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, and have the kids think it was a big deal (plus, I wasn’t finished eating the steak). And then the girls asked the kids to do dance, and they flushed and stared at the floor and emphatically said “no.” And then they asked Daniel to dance, and I think he said, “no,” but really, no words were coming out of his mouth, I think he actually blushed (however, I don’t think he was looking at the floor . . . !). And so we laughed and we laughed for days. In fact, I’m laughing now – and hoping I didn’t ruin my kids with my passion for steak.
Our lives have really settled down since the craziness of last year – Daniel comes home at regular hours. And with my schedule slower, I have more time and energy to focus on the kids and the home. It feels nice, but at times a little slow. I will be grateful when things warm up outside so I can plant my garden and enjoy my outdoor hobbies.
One thought that continues to cross my mind, is how much I am enjoying the person I am right now. I guess maybe it comes to mind as I watch my kids struggle with their genetic and age appropriate insecurities. I remember, so well, how it feels to want people to love you and accept you, so badly. And to feel like you’re never quite right. At this stage in my life, I frankly don’t care. I am who I am. If you let me, I will be an amazing friend. But I have my ups and downs. I am a little high maintenance. And I will need to lean on you once in awhile. I am not cool. I am awkward. And sometimes I say the wrong things. But I like who I am becoming. So take it or leave it, I am who I am. And because of that, I feel free. I wonder how you teach that to kids?
:)
–r
“What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly.”
–Lao Tzu
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I usually love New Year’s Resolutions. And I relish the idea of setting goals and working towards something new and fun and exciting. This year, I just can’t seem to get into the spirit of it at all. Don’t get me wrong, I made a list (OH – I made a list). With the hope that when it came time to cross things off I would feel totally satisfied and proud of my ever climbing accomplishments, but you know what? Frankly, this year I just don’t care (and all those FB posts cheering on the new year can go stuff it).
So I am officially declaring the year of 2012 to be the year of fun. Yep. I said it.
F.U.N.
And on the side I am going to grow an amazing vegetable garden (well, I’m going to plant it, but we all know that it will take a miracle for me to be able to make anything grow!). And before spring starts, I am going to finish Project Half-Life (that means a lot of writing over here!).
There I did it.
Now 2012 can start. I’m ready.
(And maybe after I have some F.U.N. I’ll be able to see the butterfly)
:)
–r
Posted in Musings, newborns, children, families, personal, photographers, four quarters equal one whole, sneak peekPersonal
I still remember that old cabbage patch doll. She was a homemade one, with a fabric face and painted eyes. She did not have the baby powder smell of the ones from the store. And she did not fit into the petite little clothes that you could buy at the store. She did not look anything like the little cabbage patch dolls that my friends had. But she was given with all the love that every good parent has for their daughter, and I knew that. But I sat in stunned silence and tried to mask my disappointment.
This past year has been a challenging one. One where we worked hard towards something – and in the end, we ended up with something totally different. And I feel kind-of like that 10 year old little girl again. Looking a little bewildered and trying hard to be grateful for the blessings that this year has brought. I know we have been given a better gift than the one we thought we wanted, but right now I am still mourning the loss. And I wonder how long it will take for me to be able to look back on this year and say, I am so grateful things turned out exactly the way they did.
I’m sure it will come, just not today.
And I want to say: 2011, don’t let the door hitcha on the way out. But I think I should say: 2011, thank you for teaching me to be strong. thank you for bringing me closer to my children. thank you for strengthening my marriage.
And to my God, thank you for not giving up on me. I am still trying and striving. I am making progress, albeit slow. I am coming.
And to 2012, come gently and softly. And maybe even quietly, we are still tired from last year.
:)
–r
The kids are out of school, the presents are almost wrapped and things around here rock back and forth between utterly crazy and serenely quiet. My days are unpredictable to say the least. But I wanted to take this opportunity to wish you all a Merry Christmas. May you enjoy this season with your loved ones and cherish the moments you have with them. And start dreaming your dreams for the new year.
:)
–r
“I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you’ll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you’ll make something that didn’t exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.”
– Neil Gaiman
ps. I can’t leave without saying – don’t you just love the way he stated that: ”dream dangerously and outrageously?” What are your dreams for the new year? What do you want to do? And learn? And become? Start making your list and I will start making mine. And with this as inspiration, I will vow to dream outrageously once again.
Posted in Musings, newborns, children, families, personal, photographers, four quarters equal one whole, sneak peekPersonal
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